


Color Changing Cats

by Sunnyrea



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Case Fic, Gen, Humor, Original Character(s), and some kissing, happy trio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 15:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13573926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunnyrea/pseuds/Sunnyrea
Summary: The new holistic detective trio receive a case about a missing cat which soon turns into a changes of color, too much rain, strange animals, a lot of walking, cemeteries, surprising apartments and much confusion for the detective team.





	Color Changing Cats

**Author's Note:**

> For the Todd to my Dirk (in the gay way).

“Hmm, no I think a bit more to the left.”

Todd shifts to the left, the sign wobbling as he moves. “Here?”

“Uhmmm.”

“Dirk, yes or no?”

“No, no, back to the right but not completely back.”

Todd shifts again, the sign sliding perilously in his clammy hands. “What here?”

“Yes, definitely centered, right Farah?”

“Uh, well…”

Todd jerks his head around to glare at the two of them. “Whose side are you on Farah?”

She holds up her hands. “He asked if it was centered. Would we not want it centered? I mean, could you really stand that?” Her eyes dart around for a moment. “We want it centered on the wall.”

“Yes, so the three of us can see it. Who else are you worried about right now?”

Dirk makes a derisive noise. “Now Todd, are you implying that there will be no clients here to see our newly rehung sign?”

“There haven’t been so far, and is this spot good? This is heavy, you know.”

“It’s only been a week, Todd,” Farah counters.

“And there will be many more weeks, nay, even months when our sign will be seen by many a client or clue or whomever, like us, that might be in our offices.” Dirk jumps up from where he previously perched on the back of the couch. He grips Todd’s shoulders and shifts him, and thus the sign, just barely left. “There.” He spins to look at Farah. “There?”

Farah squints, purses her lips. “I could get a level you know. We have a tool kit. It’s really very easy to –”

“Or we could just chalk this up to the interconnectedness of all things and say that this is the spot where the sign was meant to be, right?” Todd says quickly, shifting awkwardly to prop the sign on his knee and make a mark on the wall with the pencil in his hand. “Okay, look, spot found!” He drops the sign gently onto the floor again.

“Todd, who said anything about signs connecting to anything?” Todd gives Dirk a very skeptical look. Dirk purses his lips, eyes rolling up. “If you are referring to anything specific with that look –”

“I’m not picking it up again. We had it hung before and you didn’t like it –”

“I believe what I said was, the balance was –”

“You didn’t like it,” Todd repeats, “so you can redo the wall mounts, okay?”

“But you only made one mark, Todd, if –”

Todd waves a hand at Farah. “Nope!” He shakes his head. “Not again. It weighs like a hundred pounds.”

Farah frowns. “Not even close, Todd, maybe ten.”

Dirk grins at Farah then turns his bright face on Todd. “Now Todd –”

“Now Dirk,” Todd parrots making Dirk’s eyebrows fly up. “Just put in the nails.”

Farah marches over. “Screws would be better.”

Drink smiles at her again. “Why thank you, Farah.” He gives Todd a look as if Todd had done nothing at all to assist and Farah is the queen, before twirling around Todd toward the long table in the other room where all their laptops sit. “Now, I have felt very confident about something lately.”

Todd b-lines for the kitchen first and their coffee pot. He has not had a working coffee pot in at least two years and this one, despite some minor upsets, which he blames Dirk for, is heaven.

“Confident about what?” Todd asks.

“Curtains.”

“Curtains?” Todd says incredulously echoed by Farah saying, “like windows?”

The sound of a power drill starts to blare.

“Exactly!” Dirk cries over the noise and turns his computer around so Todd can half see it around the edge of the kitchen wall. “I thought green!”

“Green?” Farah says into the gap between drill sounds.

“Lime!”

Farah makes a squeaking noise. “What?”

“Why?” Todd ask as he pours coffee grounds into the filter in the pot.

“We need some color in here. So Lime.” He waves a hand as he nearly knocks over the laptop. “Lime green, don’t you think?”

“I do not think,” Todd hears Farah mutter.

“I think you are color enough, Dirk, without more lime,” Todd retorts with a cheeky smile as he adds water to the coffee maker.

Dirk’s fingers on the computer keys pause and he looks up at Todd. “Was that a compliment or an insult?” Before Todd may open his mouth, Dirk holds up a finger. “Nope! It’s a compliment, I’ve decided, even if you did not mean it as one. Compliment. Colorful me!” Dirk grins. “But that doesn’t mean we cannot buy curtains.”

“I like the blinds,” Farah says. Todd glances back over the peak-a-boo to see her heaving the sign up onto the wall again, trying to match with her screws and wall fasteners. “You have more control over blinds.”

“Why not blinds and curtains?” Dirk counters. “I see nothing wrong there.”

“Shouldn’t we be focusing on clients and not curtains?” Todd says as he closes the top then switches on the coffee pot. He glances over at the table but does not see Dirk behind his computer any longer. Before he can ask, however, Dirk appears inches from Todd's face from behind the wall.

“Todd, you know that’s not how it works.”

“I know how you work but we could still look for –“

Dirk shakes his head. “What does the sign say?”

“It still says detective –“

“Mmm mmm, Holistic, that is the key word, isn’t it?”

“People have hired you before! Mona. Patrick Spring. Not all cases just ‘come to you,’ Dirk.”

Dirk purses his lips. “Well… they all still seem to arrive in rather more esoteric and interesting ways than ads on the internet.”

“Didn’t you just say blinds and curtains?” Farah says, suddenly standing behind Todd with her harms crossed. "Why not both?"

Todd crosses his arms as well and grins back at Dirk. 

Dirk glances between the two of them for then frowns. “This is because of the website. I told you I was not an expert in web design!”

“Are you an expert on anything?” Farah mutters.

“You two are quite welcome to explore the templates yourselves!”

Then the coffee pot explodes.

 

Todd, Dirk and Farah sit together at a circular table outside of the college student run coffee shop – not Starbucks despite the city – two blocks away from their agency office. Farah still has a few spots of coffee grounds stuck in her hair which she keeps picking before she finally pulls on a hat. Todd changed his shirt from the soaked one he previously had on, one of the last of his Mexican Funeral shirts. Dirk, on the other hand, holds a bag of ice to the side of his face and hunches down in his blue leather jacket.

“I don’t make coffee, I’m British. How was I to know?”

“Empty the grounds!” Farah growls. “How… how is that hard? How… how even…” She sighs then points at Todd. “You, you, did you even look before you added more?”

“Okay, no, but also since when does anyone look at the fill line for the water?” Todd sighs, pulling a big flake of coffee off of Dirk’s collar. “I haven’t had a coffee pot that works in two years. I have an excuse.”

“Do you?” Dirk says with a look. “You’re the American.”

“What about Farah?” Todd insists. “She makes coffee!”

“Oh, it was you –“ Farah groans just as Dirk chides, “as though it would be Farah.”

Todd holds up his hand and gestures at the mixed matched clay mugs on their table. “I bought the coffee, see? I made up for it.”

“I bought the coffee,” Farah mutters as she picks hers up. “I’m the bank… if you recall, why you have money.” She sips the coffee. “Unbelievable.” 

“This tea is quite grand.” Dirk puts the bag of ice back on the table as he picks up his mug with both hands. “Chai. Novel.” His face looks less red than before, luckily not a serious burn from the hot water and should fade soon. 

“Though now our detective agency will smell like coffee,” Dirk continues with a smile then his face falls. “That might be more of a negative. The Coffee Detectives.”

Todd gives him a look. “You want to change the name?”

“I’m more worried about being mistaken as such.” Dirk looks at Todd again. “Or perhaps our next case will be coffee based!” He gasps high. “Is it about Starbucks?”

A few people at the tables around them shoot Dirk looks that would qualify as ‘offended hipster.’

Dirk clearly does not notice as he continues on. “I can imagine, maybe something has happened to the logo and we need to determine the whereabouts of the original design because its been stolen!”

“Who would steal the logo?” Farah says.

“You could steal if off Google just as well,” Todd counters. 

“Or…” Dirk continues with a contemplative looks and a long sip of his chai tea latte. “Well, as a holistic detective agency you would think we would have been led to a Starbucks if that were our case, so probably not then. Perhaps just general coffee based.”

“Of course,” Farah mutters, taking a big gulp of her coffee. 

Dirk sighs. “Ugh, now I am making us coffee detectives.” He points at Todd. “That is very much not the case.”

Todd nods vehemently. “I know.”

“Did you say detectives?”

The trio all turn at once and look up at an older women with white hair just below her ears standing beside their table.

Dirk sits up straight. “Why yes, ma’am, indeed I did!" Dirk hands her a business card. "Dirk Gently of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency and this is my assistant.” He points to Todd who sighs. “And my…” He points at Farah and stares for a moment. He blows out a breath as Farah raises her eyebrows, waiting. “My…” He turns back to the woman. “Financier.”

“I expected something worse,” Farah mutters deadpan.

“Did you say Holistic detective?” The woman asks. “As in herbs and that sort of thing? I have used quite a lot of different herbs to make tea but I had no idea you could use them for detecting!”

“Oh, no no,” Todd and Farah start but Dirk jumps in.

“No, Mrs… Ms…?”

She smiles. “Potter.”

“Ms. Potter, Holistic refers to the interconnectedness of all things.” He waves a hand in the air in front of his face then flinches when he smiles too wide and aggravates his burn. “Holistic detective.” He clears his throat. “Did you, uh, have a case?”

“Oh, now we can be hired?” Todd asks.

Dirk only keeps smiling and pushes Todd’s coffee away from him. Todd scoffs and grabs for but Dirk keeps shifting it further away across the table. Farah smacks both their hands.

“Well,” the older woman says as the three of them have a minor hand battle on the table. “If you are available I could certainly do with some help.”

“Yes?” Dirk asks with a smile as he pushes Todd’s hand against the tabletop to keep him from his mug. “It is related to coffee?”

“No, no, Coffee is at home.”

“And here,” Dirk says gesturing with his free hand to the shop and their mugs as Farah retrieves Todd’s mug. “Some say it’s good.”

“No, Coffee is not here, he’s at home.”

Todd turns his head as he takes his coffee from Farah and Dirk frowns. “Come again?”

“Coffee is at home,” The woman repeats with a serious expression. “It’s Lime that is missing.”

Dirk and Todd look at each other with wide eyes.

“Lime, like green?” Farah asks.

“Lime like…. The fruit?” Todd says still looking at Dirk.

Dirk positively beams. “Or curtains?”

“No, no,” the woman says, waving her hand at them. “Well, yes, green and the fruit but that is just his name.”

The three of them finally all turn to look at the woman at once. “His name?” Dirk asks for all of them.

She nods firmly. “Yes, Lime. My dear cat Lime. He is missing.”

 

“So we find cats now?”

“Todd, every case is worthwhile.” Dirk ducks under a long hanging electrical wire, which seems to be coming from the construction to their left, Todd and Farah both giving it a much wider birth. “They can’t all be time traveling inventors and parallel universes.”

Todd skips once to keep pace with Dirk. “But how do we know the cat is even lost?”

“She just told us.”

“She…” Farah clears her throat. “Older woman, cats; Todd has a point, Dirk.”

Dirk frowns as he suddenly pulls them sharply to the right down an alley, Farah and Todd nearly tripping each other up in their hurry to follow Dirk.

“What point is that exactly? Can old people not lose cats?”

“But is it even really lost?” Todd insists, catching Dirk’s mug of tea when he nearly drops it jumping over a cardboard box next to a dumpster. “People let their cats go outside then the come back in. They’re cats.”

“Todd,” Dirk says, spinning his mug around to sip the tea once Todd secures it in Dirk's hand again. “I do not think it a wise precedent to set of not believing our clients when they tell us certain facts such as the missing nature of their animals.” He gives Todd a pointed look. “How should you like someone to tell you that your cat is not really missing? Positively rude, is it not?”

“Did you steal that mug?” Farah asks as they reach the mouth of the alley and next main street.

Todd looks down at the mug, just realizing now that it is not a paper travel mug but in fact an actual pink, clay mug from the café. “You did.”

“I ordered the tea in this mug. How else am I to drink it?”

Farah sighs heavily. “You… Dirk…”

“And where are we going?” Todd asks.

“We are following that man.” Dirk points at a man in a bright orange construction vest, now pulling a tool kit from a white van.

“Why?” Farah and Todd ask at once.

Dirk grins at the two of them. “Well, he most certainly looked most like he knew where he was going and now here we are.”

“At another construction site?” Todd asks.

“Actually, no,” Farah says peering around. “Just the van and, well, shops.”

“A pet store!” Dirk suddenly runs across the street, tea spilling from his mug, toward the dreary looking pet store on the opposite side.

“He knows we’re not buying that woman a new cat, right?” Farah asks.

Todd glances at her. “You’re asking me?”

Farah and Todd make their way across the street, after the walk signal and the usual street safety allows, to find him peering at a sign in the window.

“You see.” He stands up straight as they arrive. “It references cats sold here and before you say, ‘Dirk, it is a pet store,’ not all pet stores carry cats. Some have more exotic pets. Some cater especially to fish. But this one.” He gestures again while sipping his tea. “Does sell cats.”

“Plenty of pet stores sell cats.” Todd cocks his head. “Did you just run over here to prove to us that following that guy was somehow connected to the case?”

“It was and is connected.” He wags a finger to the cages with cats Todd sees beyond the store’s front window.

“This sign is in Russian,” Farah says as she points to the small paper taped with three pieces of sticky tape to the window and one corner ripped. “Can you read Russian?”

Dirk chuckles. “No.” Then he gasps high. “Ha!” He puts the mug down on the window ledge – where it falls off to break on the sidewalk – and he runs down the street again.

Farah frowns more as she looks around the front of the store before Todd grabs her arm so they may chase after Dirk. They catch up to Dirk at the end of the street where they find a woman waiting for the light to change. She holds onto a green dog leash with a Great Dane on the other end. One might call the leash a lime tone of green.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Todd says as they stop behind the woman, Dirk already holding out his hand and business card.

“That wasn’t even five minutes,” Farah mutters. “Also, I don’t think that pet store was Russian owned.”

Todd shakes his head. “What?” 

“Dirk Gently,” Dirk says to the woman as she takes the business card from his outstretched hand with extreme reservation. “Of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.”

She blinks once. “Okay.”

“You might ask what I mean by Holistic.”

“No,” Todd says.

“It refers to –”

“She didn’t ask,” Todd interrupts again. “Just skip it. Come on. Ask about the leash.”

Dirk frowns at Todd. “Why would you think I was going to ask about the leash?” 

“Because it's lime green!”

“Is it a lime green though? Not maybe forest green?”

“Okay.” The woman starts to turn with her far-more-interested-in-the-grass dog to walk across the street.

Dirk, however, hops in front of her. “Wait, what is the name of your dog?”

She stops, arms pulled back and dog sniffing at Dirk’s knees. “Brendon?”

Dirk groans. “Oh, that is absolutely no name for a dog.”

“Hey!” The woman exclaims.

“And did you possibly buy your dog leash from somewhere nearby?”

“Ha!” Todd exclaims making the woman start in surprise.

“I, uh, no. Amazon, like everything.”

“Was the pet store sign in Russian when we got there?” Farah asks Todd.

Todd stares at her again. “What?”

“And it is lime green by the way,” Woman insists as she skirts around Dirk with her dog to finally cross the street as the walk sign counts down from five to four. 

“Leash, see. Leash.” Todd smirks at Dirk. “I know what you’re up to. It was a thing.”

“No, Todd, not a thing.” He gestures at the woman as she reaches the other side of the street just as the walk light hits zero. “Amazon is not a clue.”

“Oh!” The woman suddenly calls out whirling in place. “Did you mean the lime cat?” Dirk, Todd and Farah all straighten up and make identical faces of surprise. “I saw it that way.” She points to her left, their right. “Is it a scavenger hunt or something?”

When the three of them just stare at her. The woman clears her throat and mutters something to herself as she continues on her walk.

“How is this happening so fast?” Farah ask to no one in particular.

“Holistics?” Todd tries.

Dirk laughs once, shouts, “thank you,” toward the receding woman then loops his arms through Todd and Farah’s. “Come on now, our cat is near.” He laughs once more. “At this rate, this may be the fastest case I have ever solved. Unless you count the case of the disappearing car port.”

“There never was a garage in the building. That was not a case,” Todd corrects.

Dirk shakes his head, pulling the three of them along. “Exactly. Case closed.”

They walk along the same street past the dog park the woman must have come from then slowly up a hill in usual Seattle fashion. After several upward minutes, Farah beings to blaze ahead as Todd and Dirk fall back huffing.

“If you weren’t so fit, Farah!” Dirk complains, half leaning on Todd.

“Or if you’d stop leaning on Todd.”

“Doesn’t 'fit' mean 'hot' in English?” Todd says with a smirk.

Dirk scoffs. “We speak the same language, Todd.”

When they reach the top of the hill they pause at the corner by a pastry shop. Farah moves to keep straight on up the road, though she looks none to convinced about their plan or even the whole case. Dirk, however, swerves them to the right again, nearly tripping Todd up and being hit by a car as he crosses the street.

“Dirk!” Farah and Todd both shout, actually running after him directly this time, there being no cars around other than Dirk’s near miss.

“Doesn’t this look very much like a cat wall?” Dirk says as he comes up to a low brick wall. “It looks exactly like the sort of wall in old films where the hero speaks to his new acquaintance in the night and some black cat jumps up onto the wall, eyes glowing.”

“What movies did you watch?” Todd asks.

“It looks like the wall of a cemetery.” Farah gestures and the men follow her motion. A tree stands in the middle of the graveyard, rows of stones around it in mostly straight lines.

Dirk slips around the edge of the wall through the curved iron gate. Todd and Farah watch him as he walks slowly down the vague path between the stones, his hands raised just slightly at his sides with his fingers up as if ready to point at any moment. Then he abruptly stops by one grave and crouches low. At first he just stares, his hand reaching out toward the stone. He appears transfixed, perplexed even. Todd and Farah glance at each other.

“Dirk?” Farah calls.

Then Dirk stands up straight again holding a bright lime green cat in his arms. He turns toward them with a grin that remains half confused. “Solved it?”

Todd and Farah stare as Dirk walks back over to them carrying the cat. It is a large cat, not fat per-se, but certainly gaining much of its girth from an abundance of fur. The green over its fur appears to have a sort of pattern to it, some spots slightly lighter or darker. It takes a moment but the obviousness of a cat that was not born green appears with the not unusual shape of ‘socks’ on its back feet and spots around its nose become clear.

“Does it have a tag?” Farah asks.

Todd scoffs. “Would you expect another cat that is not the one we are looking for to be lime green?”

“Just because it is green –“

“It, in fact, does have a tag.” Dirk holds the cat up close to Farah’s face so the silver tag on the cat’s green collar can be read. “’Lime.’”

“Thanks, Dirk,” Farah says deadpan, backing away from the cat.

“Did she dye her cat green because it was named Lime or did she get it already dyed and decide to name it Lime?” Todd asks peering closer to the purring cat’s fur.

Dirk makes a nonplused noise as he scratches the cat’s head. “I think there are some questions we do not really need the answers to.”

Todd’s brow furrows. “Really?”

“No, I am exceedingly curious.” Dirk turns the cat around and drapes the cat over his shoulder so its head and one arm hang off Dirk’s back while he holds it against his chest with one hand. The cat seems perfectly content in the position. “Well, let us bring Lime home.”

“Did Ms. Potter give us her address?” Todd asks.

Dirk frowns. “Ah.”

“I have it,” Farah says before the pair can become more concerned. She sighs. “Sometimes… I just can’t believe…”

“Shut up,” Todd mutters back at her, nudging her with his shoulder as they begin to walk.

They do not walk far however, as they soon realize Dirk does not follow them. He remains outside the cemetery, his hand on the iron of the gate. He and the cat both remain very still.

“Dirk?” Todd trots back toward him. “What’s up?”

Dirk stares at the cemetery. “Hmm.”

“What?”

“It just…” He pouts. “It just looks very old.”

Todd laughs once. “It is a graveyard. You know, graves, dead people.”

“Yes, but to you Americans a hundred years is old.” He makes a derisive noise. “And this… hmm, I don’t know.” Dirk shakes his head. “Pay it no mind. Yes. Let’s go.”

Then Dirk pulls his hand away from the iron bar he holds and the cat in his arms changes to blue. Todd yelps in alarm, jumping back away from Dirk. Dirk jumps and yelps in return, the cat tensing and digging its claws into Dirk’s neck so he shouts again.

“What?” Farah asks, spinning around.

“What!” Todd says pointing at the cat.

“Ow!” Dirk groans pulling at the cat’s paw.

“The cat!” Todd cries.

Farah stops short next to Todd. “Oh my god!”

“Yes, the cat,” Dirk exclaims, finally getting himself free of the cat’s claws. He holds the cat up to his face. “No clawing!” Then he blinks, staring at the cat. “Um, wasn’t this cat green?”

“Yes,” Todd and Farah say.

“And I’m not the only one seeing blue now, yes?”

“Yes,” they chorus again.

Dirk lowers the still amazingly sedate cat enough to see Farah and Todd once more. “The cat is blue.”

The two of them nod, still staring. 

The cat wiggles in Dirk’s hands, pawing at his chest with a meow much smaller than its size. Dirk pulls it back close to his chest and the cat squirms its way back up onto Dirk’s shoulder, curling its back legs up where Dirk holds them high by his neck. Todd chuckles once at the odd picture the two of the make – a blue shoulder cat and Dirk in his lobster print tie and turquoise jacket. The cat, for its part, does not seem to notice or at least care about the change of color.

Todd suddenly realizes, as he really should have right away, “They match!”

“Oh my god!” Farah says again.

Dirk peers at the cat on his shoulder and makes a ‘hmm’ noise. The cat does now indeed match the same shade of blue turquoise that is Dirk’s jacket.

“Should we still return the cat?” Farah asks after a pause.

“I… maybe it’s some special dye?” Todd asks. “It changes colors every so often with the light or something?” Dirk and Farah give him incredulous looks. He nods. “Yeah… guess not. So do we have a new case?”

Dirk beams at him. “Oh, I think so.”

The now quartet make their way on foot to Ms. Potter’s apartment building, not too far a walk from where they found the feline. During their walk, a woman wearing a pink dress asks to pet the cat. As soon as she walks past them after a few pats, the cat’s fur morphs into the same shade of pink complete with small dots of yellow roses just like the dress.

“Is it a Chameleon?” Todd asks.

“No, a cat, Todd,” Dirk says as if Todd is an absolute idiot.

“But why does… why?” Farah says staying far on the other side of Dirk away from the riding cat.

When they reach the apartment, Ms. Potter meets them down in the cramped lobby – an empty front desk behind a glass partition, an elevator jammed in next to the stairs and some old leather chairs in the only remaining corner that look more like airplane seats.

“Lime!” The older woman says as she reaches the last three steps with her arms outstretched. “Oh you fluffy prince, come here.”

She coos unintelligible noises similar to baby talk as she extracts the cat from Dirk’s shoulder; the cat’s claws entrenched in the leather of Dirk’s jacket so that he must help in prying the cat free.

“Thank you so much,” Ms. Potter says she hands a check to Farah. “I was so afraid he would be run over by a car.”

“Ms. Potter, your cat…” Todd starts.

“I am so glad he is all right.”

The cat’s fur changes to the maroon shade of her jacket, even imitating the herringbone pattern of the material.

“Um…” Dirk starts holding out his hand to point at the cat’s fur.

“Thank you again,” the woman says as she turns back to the stairs, cradling the cat against her chest.

“Wait,” Farah says, “the cat…”

“Thank you!”

“But it’s not green!” Dirk says.

“It shouldn’t have been green at all!” Todd counters.

Farah whimpers. “Herringbone?”

Ms. Potter however, already curves around the turn of the stairs and keeps climbing without any further acknowledgement of their calls or concern over the state of her cat’s coloring. Dirk, Todd and Farah look at each other helplessly. Then they turn around and walk out of the apartment building. Outside, they stand on the sidewalk silently.

Farah finally breaks the silence. “We could just go back to the office? I mean…. The case is done?”

“No,” Todd says just as Dirk replies, “absolutely not,” and Todd continues, “it was a green cat,” as Dirk insists, “a chameleon cat even; it matched my coat,” with Todd finally saying, “plus, if we don’t it will come find us.”

Farah stares at the two of them. She blows out a breath. “Fine. Let’s investigate the color changing cat.”

Dirk’s face breaks into a grin. “Huzzah!” He jogs down the street, turning once back toward them. “Just something I’m trying. What do you think? Huzzah! Come on.” He continues to run. “We need to retrace this cat’s steps.”

Farah gapes for a moment before Todd grabs her wrist and pulls her after Dirk once more.

They retrace their own steps back to the cemetery first. Dirk stands at the gate for several minutes, his face pulling that expression that something is weird with the world. Yet he says nothing out loud which in itself is somewhat disturbing. 

Farah murmurs to herself beside Todd, “The archway… the shape is different, isn’t it? Or was I not looking at it before?”

Before Todd decides to break up with unnerving silence paired with awkward muttering, Dirk turns around sharply. “I simply need some tea right now.”

“Tea?” Farah and Todd exclaim in surprise.

“There.” Dirk points at the Starbucks at the diagonal corner on the other side of the street. “It will have to do.”

Dirk bounces around them and toward the Starbucks. Farah blows out a breath following next, leaving Todd to follow after. By the time Todd reaches the Starbucks, Dirk already stands at the register paying for his cup of hot water and tea bag. Todd considers getting a coffee, though Starbucks has always been a bit strong for his taste. Dirk scoots around him, tea bag in his teeth and both hands on the Grande cup as he heads for the sugar and milk.

“Todd.”

“Hmm?” Todd turns to Farah.

“The tables aren’t tables.”

Todd frowns at her then follows her eye line. Along the one wall where usually a few two person tables would be in most Starbucks instead stand flowerpots. It is not that this Starbucks chose a different decorating scheme, as far as Todd sees, because each flowerpot has two chairs on either side. Also, the flowerpots have four tall legs a piece. Todd stares, blinking a few times, because maybe there are just flowerpots on top of the tables? But no, the legs are definitely an extension of the clay of the pots and there is no breaking point, nothing sitting on something else. These are…

“Are those tables all flower pots?” Dirk suddenly asks, pointing with one of the wooden stir sticks.

“Yes,” Todd and Farah say.

“Excuse me?” Dirk calls to the woman behind the cash register. She turns from where she was washing out a pitcher. “Hi. Dirk Gently, of Dirk Gently’s Holistic –”

“Skip it!” Todd snaps as Farah says, “Enough Dirk.”

Dirk pouts for then clears his throat. “As to my question, why are your tables very tall flower pots?”

She sighs. “No lo sé.”

Dirk’s nose crinkles. “What?”

“She said, ‘I don’t know,’” Farah translates.

“Were you speaking Spanish earlier?” Dirk says. “When I ordered my tea?”

She frowns at him. “Che cosa?”

Todd and Dirk look at each other.

“Um. That’s not Spanish,” Todd says.

“I think its Italian?” Farah guesses.

Dirk paces closer to the woman as he bobs his tea bag up and down in the water by the string. “Was there a cat in here earlier?”

“Yī zhǐ māo?”

“Can you understand what I’m saying?”

She scoffs. “¡Por supuesto que puedo!”

“Spanish!” Todd yelps as Drik says, “that’s Spanish!”

“Okay!” Farah hisses. “Chill.”

Dirk grins wide. “There was definitely a cat here, wasn’t there? Did you touch the cat? Was the cat green at the time? Oh! Did the cat rub off on you somehow or did you do that to the cat?”

“What are you talking about?” The woman cries holding up her hands.

“English!” Todd points. “That, that was English.” He looks at Farah. “Maybe she’s doing it on purpose?”

“What language do you speak?” Farah asks, like a logical person would from the start.

“Eh, angrezee!” She waves her hand like they are the insane ones, which is fair.

“Oh…” Farah grimaces. “Uh…. That was…”

“Hindi,” Dirk says quickly. “Keep up Farah.”

Farah’s mouth gapes.

“So your language just keeps changing every time you speak?” Dirk grins at the flabbergasted woman then twirls on the spot, heading back toward the milk and sugar. “Wonderful!” He pulls the tea bag out of the cup, throws it in the bin then pours in some milk. “This is the next step on the trail!”

“Je parle anglais!”

Todd remembers his high school French enough here to understand her exclamation of speaking English. He shakes his head at her. “Don’t worry about it.”

Dirk empties three sugar packets into his tea, twirling his stirring stick around in the cup then shoves the top back on. He points with the cup at Todd and at Farah with his free hand. “Come on, this is just one stop. I am sure there is more.”

“But the tables…” Todd starts as Farah finishes, “and what about her?”

Dirk takes a sip of his tea, makes a whimpering noise at the clearly hot temperature then moves toward the front door. “All in good time. We still don’t know the source of all this. Could be her, could be the cat, could be…” He shrugs. “Anything!”

“Shit….” Farah mutters. “I feel like I should have brought more than one gun.”

Todd laughs high. 

“Come on!” Dirk insists as he pushes through the glass door.

Farah and Todd look at each other then quickly follow. Todd holds the door for Farah as she hurries through to grab Dirk so he does not rush away too quickly. Todd casts a last look at the strange potted plant tables and the angry looking cashier then walks back outside. It starts pouring rain.

Dirk squawks in surprise, jerking so some of his tea squirts out of the small hole in his cup. Farah ducks instinctively then stares up at the sky. Todd gapes just blinking at the very sudden down pour all around them.

“It was just sunny!” Dirk says. “I like this jacket!”

“It’ll be fine,” Farah shouts over the sound of the rain, pulling her hat down more over her hair. She sighs as she attempts to look as though rain could never bother her. “Where to now?”

“This way,” Dirk gestures to the right.

“No, no, wait,” Todd says. “It’s raining now! It was just… I mean.” Todd looks up at the sky and for a minute he is not sure he sees any clouds. “Wait…”

“Just keep moving, Todd,” Dirk says, circling around Todd and pushing him in the back to start him walking. “I think this is one of _those_ cases.”

“What are ‘those cases’?”

Dirk shakes his head, sipping his tea again and shoving his free hand through his hair to plaster it up against his head. “No idea, just go with it.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Guys?”

Dirk and Todd stop at the corner and look to the right where Dirk had indicated they should go to see Farah stopped at the front of a small deli-grocery store. Dirk and Todd stop next to her. The front window of the Deli appears to have changed, if the normal state of deli windows is anything to go by. The window is no longer made of glass. One can still see through it to the deli counter and two rows of grocery items. However, the tint of the window now shifts toward the red side of the color spectrum. Also the glass is now Jell-O. Todd knows it is Jell-O because Dirk reaches out and pulls a chunk out of it. 

“Jelly…”

Farah pokes it with her finger as the rain starts to melt through Dirk’s fingers. “More like Jell-O.”

“We call that jelly in England.” Dirk frowns. “It’s sticky…”

“The window is Jello-O,” Todd states. “Isn’t that more the point?”

“Maybe we should go inside,” Farah offers giving Dirk a look, rain dripping into her eyes. “Please?”

Dirk flicks the rest of the Jell-O off his hand then wipes his hand on Todd’s jeans.

“Hey!”

Dirk merely grins at Todd, water running down his noise. “Inside then!”

Dirk and Farah shove through the door of the grocery, Todd a step after them. As soon as the door closes behind Todd, the heavy sound of the rain stops. Todd turns back and sees the sun shining once more.

“Of course,” Todd grumps.

As Todd turns back, he suddenly sees Ms. Potter smiling at the three of them. “Oh, fancy seeing you all again.” She grins, paper shopping bag in her hand. “Just getting some more ginger and lavender for my next brew.”

Farah frowns but the older woman pushes past them.

“About your cat…” Dirk starts.

She smiles at them. “Oh, Lime is back to playing just fine, thank you again.” Then she walks out the door before they can ask anything more.

“But what color is he?” Dirk calls, poking his head out the door before turning back. “She is already gone. Is she exceptionally fast perhaps?”

“Excuse me,” Todd walks up to the deli counter. The young man behind the counter slices roast beef with a large metal machine but looks over at Todd, eyebrows raised. “Have you noticed that your front window is made of Jell-O?” Todd asks.

The man glances at the window then back to Todd. “I guess.”

They stare at each other, the machine still rhythmically slicing the roast beef. Todd clicks his tongue. “It’s… it’s Jell-O. It is literally made of Jell-O.”

“You don’t like Jell-O?” the man asks.

“I… maybe, it’s not my favorite dessert, no, but the window, the point is that the window should be glass but it is made of Jell-O now!” Todd gestures toward the window. “Doesn’t that… don’t you find that a bit odd?”

The man sighs. “Look, I just work here.”

Farah suddenly comes up beside Todd, gripping his arm before Todd speaks again. “Okay, thanks.” She turns Todd around, walking him down one aisle of high priced local goods on metal shelves. “I think whatever it is that is causing these strange things might be effecting the people involved too.”

Todd huffs. “Like the Starbucks girl?”

Farah nods. “She didn’t seem to notice and the guy here.”

“Doesn’t really care, right.”

“So what does that mean?” Dirk suddenly appears at the end of the aisle, sipping his tea. “And we still have no idea where this… whatever, is coming from. The bottles of wine in the back, all the labels say ‘Happy Birthday Florence.’ Every single one.” Dirk shrugs, taking another long drink of his tea. “Just who is Florence?”

Farah sighs. “It’s just so random. Does not make any sense.”

“Maybe it does make sense but we just don’t have all the pieces yet,” Todd amends and the trio turn back down the aisle toward the front of the deli.

Dirk bumps Todd’s shoulder with his. “Now you’re thinking like a proper assistant.”

Todd snorts and smiles genuinely. “Thanks, Dirk.”

“So far,” Dirk says, “we have a color changing cat, tables becoming flower pots, a multilingual Starbucks employee, a jelly window and wine labels. What does that all mean?”

They stop just at the store exit, no solution from any of them. Todd turns to Dirk, Dirk's expression far away. Dirk takes a long sip of his tea then drops the empty cup in the bin next to the door. Todd looks to Farah and she nods once.

“Well, Dirk,” Farah says, “pick a direction.”

“No,” Dirk says. 

“No?” Todd and Farah parrot.

Dirk pushes the door open and stops beside a black cat waiting on the sidewalk. He looks up at Todd and Farah with a grin. “Cats! Everything is connected!”

Suddenly the cat makes a small ‘meow’ and darts away across the street. Dirk jerks and gives chase with a shout of, “follow that cat!”

Farah sprints out the door after Dirk, Todd a step behind her. As the bell to the deli door jingles upon their exit and Todd’s foot hits the sidewalk, it beings to rain once more. Todd skids through a puddle, twisting to look up at the sky in surprise.

“It’s rain…”

But Farah shouts something and Todd cannot spare time to wonder at the rain reappearing so abruptly. Todd catches up soon to Farah and Dirk, who both gasp at the sudden rain as well.

“It’s raining again?” Farah asks. She looks at Todd, her eyes narrowing but she merely gives him a perplexed look.

At the lead, Dirk continues to follow the cat as it trots along the sidewalk, occasionally weaving through bushes. The three of them keep up with the cat, following it straight for four blocks then two blocks to the left, another two blocks west and then suddenly some seven blocks south. The rain keeps up, all three of them completely soaked through. Farah mentions something about modern guns and rain being less of a factor. Todd tries to shield his cellphone deep in his jeans pocket but does start to worry about the water damage. Dirk keeps his eyes fixed on the cat, mentioning at one point that he would have hoped for a color change by now. 

After an hour and a half of following the black feline, the quartet suddenly stops beside a familiar looking cemetery.

“Is this…” Todd starts as they near the low brick wall.

The cat jumps up onto the brick wall and sits down, shaking water off its fur somewhat fruitlessly. Dirk stops beside it, staring over the edge of the wall.

“Did we just follow a cat in a very long circle?” Farah asks with annoyance in her voice.

Todd huffs. “So, the cat was not a clue?”

“There is something wrong with this graveyard,” Dirk whispers.

Farah and Todd both look at Dirk sharply. His voice sounds off, quiet and small. As if he hopes the cemetery will not hear him speak. He stares over the wall but obviously not touching it, his arms stiff at his sides. Todd follows Dirk’s gaze. The cemetery appears different now. The uneven rows are the same, the amount of stones as far as Todd can tell. However, the grass appears wild, grown higher around the stones. The path among the graves looks more defined, worn down by more feet. The tree even stands taller, the branches lower.

Suddenly, the cat jumps down off the wall and into the cemetery. Farah steps around toward the gate, trying to see where the cat goes.

“No!” Dirk shouts. “Farah, don’t!”

Farah turns to look at Dirk just as she steps under the archway. Farah stops with both feet on the other side of the wall. Her mouth hangs slightly open, her body tense but she does not move forward or backward. Dirk suddenly grips Todd’s arm, his fingers slipping over Todd’s skin with the rain, but he squeezes tight as though he is terrified.

“Dirk…” Todd glances at Dirk. Dirk's expression is drawn, his mouth matching Farah’s. Todd looks at Farah again. “Farah?” 

She does not answer him. She stares somewhere in between Todd and Dirk, her gaze low, nearer to the edge of the wall. Yet she does not really look at anything. Her eyes are vacant.

“Farah?” Todd repeats, he steps closer to the gate, Dirk’s hand trying to pull him back.

“Todd… something is…”

Todd pulls his arm away from Dirk as he steps up to the edge of the wall. Farah still stares away, her back toward Todd at this angle. 

“Farah?”

Todd steps forward under the arch. He hears Dirk’s voice from far away, “No, To –” then Todd passes completely under the arch.

Sounds stops. No faint traffic of the city. Dirk’s voice. Todd’s own footsteps. No birds or wind.

It is not raining in the cemetery.

The cemetery is wide and long. Trees grow everywhere among the stones. The cemetery is not a field but a forest with twisting branches and markers. The stones extend as far as Todd sees through the woods, clustering closer together. 

The stones nearest to him are weathered, old and almost unreadable. He reads one stone.

_1582 - 15…_  
M...ry Paulso...  
...oved mother and… Heart with God 

Some of the graves stand very tall, statues of the Virgin Mary, vines circling high so the stone barely escapes, even mausoleums with branches as gateways.

It is beautiful. It is terrifying.

Farah stands far ahead of him beside the statue of an angel. She stares up at the figure, her hand touching one stone wing.

Todd opens his mouth. He says ‘Farah’ but cannot hear his own voice. 

He takes a one step, two steps. It feels like walking through fog, as though he sleeps. 

He wonders where he is.

Todd keeps moving, blinking slowly. He feels vines touch his ankles but he does not look down. He is afraid to look down.

Then Todd reaches Farah. She still stares up at the angel, her fingers twisting slowly around the marble. Her hands look gray.

Where are they?

Todd touches Farah’s arm slowly, through the mist. She feels cold. Todd realizes he is cold. The trees are denser here.

Todd sees Farah’s mouth moving, he reads ‘dad… dad… dad…’ on her lips, over and over.

Todd wants to ask her something. He cannot remember what he should ask. He cannot remember where they are. 

He thinks something is missing here. Something is wrong. The vines start to creep closer. He feels one sliding over his ankle but he stands still.

He thinks someone is missing.

Then Todd hears a sound in his head, he hears a voice, “Todd.” That is his name. 

The voice says, “Todd, move.” Todd opens his mouth wider as he curls his hand around Farah’s arm. He knows he needs to listen. He knows the voice. “Todd, please.”

The voice is Dirk and he says, “Todd, please move!”

Todd takes a large step backward, pulling Farah hard with him.

Todd and Farah stumble out onto the sidewalk, the rain cascading down on them again, both falling onto their knees. Todd sucks in air like he forgot how to breathe while Farah coughs beside him.

“Todd! Farah! Are you all right? Farah? Say something! Todd!”

Todd looks up at Dirk hunched over the two of them.

“I’m okay,” Todd huffs, “we’re okay.”

“Todd…” Farah gasps. She turns her head toward Todd and suddenly kisses him on the lips, gripping his cheek. She pulls away just as suddenly, her expression half confused. “I… sorry, I just…” She breathes out heavily.

“It’s okay,” Todd says with a smile.

“Thank you,” Farah says. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t move. What…” Farah looks up at Dirk. “What was that?”

Dirk touches both their arms, pulling them gently up to stand once more. Todd notices oddly that the rain is more of a drizzle now than it was earlier.

“I don’t know,” Dirk replies, his voice calm instead of his usual exuberance. “It should not be here.”

“I don’t think it’s real,” Todd whispers.

Farah shakes her head. “It’s certainly something.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Dirk asks again.

“I heard you,” Todd says suddenly staring hard at Dirk. “I heard you say my name and we…”

Dirk only nods, giving nothing else. He looks nervous still, eyes darting to the cemetery behind Todd. Todd does not turn around. Todd wonders if Dirk could see what they could see or if he could tell how afraid they were. He wonders, not for the first time, how much of Dirk’s abilities Dirk even knows or understands.

“Guys?” Dirk and Todd turn to Farah. “There’s another cat.”

Across the street, they indeed see a Persian cat sitting on the steps leading up into a brick apartment building. This cat is not like the black cat they recently followed, however. No, this cat leans more to the Lime side of cat experiences.

“’The Birth of Venus,’” Dirk says.

Dirk is correct because the cat, much like their friend Lime, has a distinctive non-cat-like pattern over its usually white fur. It appears to be a sideways version of the painting, ‘The Birth of Venus.’

“Now that is something,” Dirk says.

“Something else,” Todd adds.

“Another cat,” Farah finishes.

The three of them jog quickly across the street, Farah splashing in a puddle. The cat watches their approach as if waiting. When they reach the cat, it turns and walks up the steps to the front door of the building. Dirk follows after, opening the door so the cat may trot inside. Farah and Todd follow too, watching the cat. As Todd steps inside, pushing the door closed, he notices the rain has stopped again.

“Wait, that is Picasso,” Farah says.

Todd turns around to see the cat up in Dirk’s arms. The painting over its fur has changed, however. Todd is not familiar with this painting but it certainly has the sort of eccentric style Todd always thinks of as Picasso when someone mentions it.

“Now it’s a painting changing cat?” Dirks says.

The cat suddenly jumps down out of Dirk’s arms and makes for the stairs.

Farah points after the cat. “Should we follow it?” 

“Do you have to ask?” Todd replies.

Dirk sighs. “I do wish I had some tea.”

Farah frowns as they three of them chase after the cat. “You just had some.”

They climb the wide stairs, Todd’s shoes making squelching noises, water dripping occasionally from Farah’s hat and Dirk absently wiping at the drops on his leather jacket. The cat trots happily onward, never getting too far ahead. It feels definitely as though the cat knows it leads them on. 

At the third floor, the cat breaks off and walks down the hallway instead.

“Are we going to visit someone?” Dirk asks, as if the cat might answer.

They walk down the full length of the hall, turning left and following the cat all the way to the end of the next hall. Todd peers out of the window at the end of the hall through the metal beams of an ancient fire escape. Down below he sees a girl dancing in a circle on the street corner. 

Dirk stands over the cat, frowning.“Is that it?” The cat looks up at him as its fur changes to a Jackson Pollock. Dirk scoffs. “You have got to be kidding.”

Farah huffs and walks briskly back down the hall toward the bend. Todd wanders, looking at the doors, trying to see if anything is out of the ordinary. He hears Dirk sigh behind him. He turns back as Dirk picks up then cat and walks back down the hall toward Todd.

“I think if we were following dogs they might leads us better than cats. Honestly, I think cats just want to cause confusion on purpose.”

“It’s just a cat.”

“A modern art cat.”

“Rhino!” Todd and Dirk both turn to Farah standing at the bend in the hall. She points down the hall. “Rhino!”

Dirk and Todd run up next to her and see a Rhino filling the space at the end of the hall. Dirk gasps high, the cat jumps out of Dirk’s arms, the Rhino makes an angry noise while lowering its head and Todd grabs Dirk’s arm. “Run!”

Farah pulls out her gun as the men tear away back down the hall. Todd hears her fire a shot. The sound of the Rhino’s feet on the wood fills the air, creaking and crunching so Todd fears the rhino may fall straight through the floor. He hears Farah fire again and curse. Then Todd and Dirk hit the end of the hall at the window. Dirk flips the latch and tires to lift open the window. However, it appears the window is painted shut. Todd pushes at the frame next to Dirk, trying to force the window. Todd hears another gunshot then Farah knocks into their backs.

“It’s not doing anything!” Farah shouts. “It’s like I didn’t hit it!”

“It’s a rhino!” Dirk exclaims. “You think a bullet will work?”

“It’s a rhino!” Farah shouts as the rhino nears, knocking into the walls, chunks of wood kicking up as it keeps charging.

Farah pushes between the two of them and suddenly uses the butt of her gun to smash the window. Dirk and Todd look at each other in surprise. Then Farah pulls off her hat, wrapping it around her hand to knock out the rest of the glass.

“Come on!” She shouts as she struggles through the window.

Todd turns – there is one door length left in the Rhino's path, it is not slowly down, nearly there, Todd hears it breathing. 

Farah jumps onto the fire escape girders, shouts, “Move!”

Todd whirls to the left, grips Dirk’s waist then shoves him backward through the window so he yelps and disappears over the edge. Then Todd turns and the rhino hits him.

Todd blinks. He sees the ceiling above him. He notices some water damage and blinks again as something pink floats down onto his nose. Todd breathes deeply then sits up on the floor. He sees pink flower petals all around him, covering his chest and legs and in his hair.

“The rhino turned into petals?” Todd says as blandly as a man can who thought five seconds earlier he was going to die by rhino in a Seattle suburb apartment building.

“Todd!” Todd turns around to see Dirk leaning through the window frame. “You’re alive!”

“It turned into petals,” Todd repeats, pulling some from his sleeve.

“You… you saved me,” Dirk says. He grips Todd’s face, pulls him close and kisses him hard on the lips. Dirk pulls back, still holding Todd’s face and grins at him. “You saved me.”

Todd blinks again in surprise then smiles. “It’s okay.”

“The rhino turned into petals?” Farah says now leaning through the window as well.

Todd stands then backs up a step so the other two may climb back into the hallway. Farah shakes the glass out of her hat and pulls it back on her head. Dirk picks up a handful of the petals, sniffing at them. Then the apartment door beside them opens up and Ms. Potter steps out.

“Oh!” She says with a smile. “Fancy meeting you three here!” 

The three of them stare in shock with possibly more surprise than the rhino just caused them.

Ms. Potter steps into the hall turning back to the other, somewhat younger woman holding the door inside the apartment. “The recipe said to add sugar for the best effect so try that.”

“Sure, Li.” The younger woman then frowns at Todd, Farah and Dirk. “Why are you covered in rose petals?”

Dirk frowns. “I believe they’re chrysanthemum.”

Todd shoots Dirk a look.

“Oh well now!” Ms. Potter leans down and picks up the painting cat sitting in the corner also wearing a smattering of flower petals. “There you are Coconut!”

“The cat is named Coconut?” Todd asks incredulously.

“That’s your cat?” Farah says in much the same tone.

Ms. Potter coos at the feline. “All of them are running off so much today. Must be that time of the year.”

“Time of the year for what?” Todd exclaims.

Ms. Potter cradles the cat in her arms and starts back down the hall. “What a silly boy!”

“But the cat…” Todd starts. “It has paintings.”

Dirk touches Todd’s arm and just shakes his head. “I don’t think it’s working that way today.”

Ms. Potter disappears around the corner, the cat turning a shade of green and blue that makes Todd think of water lilies.

“This is ridiculous,” Farah exclaims. “We can’t just… how can no one…” She sighs in frustration. Then Farah steps up to the door and the other woman. “Hi.” She gestures down the hall. “Did you hear a rhino just now?”

The woman stares at Farah. “A rhino?”

“Or something, anything really, making a huge amount of noise. Might have also heard the three of us shouting? Gunshots. The sound of breaking glass.” Farah shrugs. “Anything?”

The woman shakes her head. “Is this some prank? Because I will call the police.”

Todd looks down at the petals around them and the shards of glass. Then he notices the woman in the apartment is floating about six inches off the ground.

“She’s floating,” Todd whispers to Dirk as Farah assures the woman ‘this is no prank.’ Dirk turns to look at Todd with a frown. Todd points at the woman’s feet. “She’s floating off the ground.”

Dirk's eyes widen then he slides up beside Farah. “Hi there. I’m Dirk Gently of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.” Dirk holds out one of his cards but the woman stares. “You might ask –”

“Dirk,” Farah says, her voice tense.

Dirk purses his lips, puts the card back in his pocket then turns to the apartment woman again. “Question, have you noticed anything strange at all lately? Apart from us and the flower petals and the noises you did not hear like, say, suddenly being able to reach high shelves you could not before or having to duck under doorways which never bothered you previously or just the fact that you’re floating? You are floating now.”

The woman stares. “Huh?”

“Right,” Dirk nods at Todd and Farah. “She’s another thing.” Dirk sighs then asks the apartment woman. “You wouldn’t happen to have any tea in there? I am absolutely gasping for a cup.”

“Oh, yeah.” The woman hovers to the left inside her door then holds up a cup and saucer. “Like this?”

Dirk takes the cup and, before Todd or Farah can stop him, drinks a long gulp of the tea. Dirk sighs happily. “Is that honey?”

The woman nods. “Good for your throat.”

Todd narrows his eyes at the woman. “Do you have a cat?”

“No.” She looks at each of them in turn. “Are you sure this isn’t some prank?”

Dirk hands back the teacup then turns around to face Farah and Todd again. “I am beginning to think this isn’t about the cats after all.”

“It started with a cat,” Todd says, “but it can’t just be that.”

“Though there are a lot of cats involved,” Dirk amends.

“What’s the next one going to be,” Todd asks, “glow in the dark?”

Dirk beams. “Oh, I hope so!” The apartment door behind Dirk suddenly snaps shut making him jump in surprise. He frowns. “Well, she can just go on floating then.”

“Guys?” Todd and Dirk turn toward Farah looking out the window. “Do you see the weird purple lightning going on over that building there?”

Todd and Dirk move to either side of Farah. What Todd estimates as a block or two away lies a swirling mass of lighting – purple lightning – cracking and popping, shooting down on the building it hovers over every so often. Todd thinks oddly of _Hocus Pocus_.

“That looks very much like a thing.” Dirk tilts his head. “Possibly even more so, a clue.”

“Or a source,” Farah says. She turns to Dirk. “Now that, that we check out.”

“Agreed.” Dirk moves to climb out the window but Farah and Todd both pull him back with a ‘no.’ “Oh come on,” Dirk complains as they turn him back down the apartment hall. “It would be faster.”

 

The apartment building, as it turns out to be, is one they visited earlier that same day.

“Ms. Potter’s apartment building,” Todd says, drizzling rain once again falling around them as soon as they stepped outside. “Now that is not a coincidence.” He frowns hesitantly. “Is it?”

“Nothing really is, Todd,” Dirk says knowingly. “Or everything is, depends how you look at it.”

In the small garden area at the front of the building, as there had not been several hours ago, now grow two palm trees, one on either side of the front steps.

“Like guards,” Farah says.

The leaves of the palm trees look shinny. Todd steps closer to one trunk. The leaves stand at least a foot too high for him to reach. However, closer up he can tell the leaves look wrong.

“Plastic,” Dirk says.

“Yes,” Todd gasps.

Farah taps her hand on the trunk of one palm tree. “But it’s a real tree. This is bark.”

“With plastic leaves.” Dirk laughs. “Fascinating!”

Just then, the lightning high above the building makes an audible crack so the trio all look up. The rain makes the lightning appear even more sinister now. Todd sees one twisting bolt of lightning stab through an apartment window on the top floor. The glass breaks and Todd hears a scream.

“We have to stop this,” Todd says. “Whatever this is, it's getting more dangerous than colorful cats.”

“And charging rhinos?” Dirk adds. "At least this one didn't electrocute us."

Todd runs up the stairs and yanks open the door to the building. He steps inside looking around the lobby they visited earlier. He hears Dirk and Farah exclaim suddenly in surprise. Todd turns back around in the doorway. Farah gestures with both hands and Todd sees it; the rain has stopped again.

“It’s you!” Dirk says. “The rain has been following you, Todd!”

“What do you –” Todd starts to step out of the door but both Dirk and Farah put up their hands. “No, no!”

“I’m wet enough,” Farah says hurriedly while Dirk shakes his head with a, “no need to test it again.”

“I am not making it rain!” Todd snaps, stepping back outside. He goes to gesture at the sunny sky but rain starts to pour down again, great sheets so thick he has trouble seeing Farah and Dirk.

“Go inside!” Dirk and Farah shout over the pounding of the rain.

Todd takes two steps backward into the building and the rain abruptly halts, the rain splashing down as if someone just poured a bucket on the world. Farah squeezes at a clump of her shirt, blowing at drops dripping off her hat onto her face. Dirk tries to finger comb his hair back into control and runs his palm over his rumbled tie.

“Thanks, Todd,” Farah mutters as she climbs the steps.

Todd clears his throat awkwardly. “Sorry.”

Dirk follows Farah up the stairs when a bolt of purple lightning hits the ground right behind Dirk. He shouts and falls to his knees on the steps. Dirk whips around, staring at the scorched hole in the dirt. 

Farah grasps Dirk’s arm. “Come on!”

They stumble inside, knocking into Todd, as another bolt of lightning hits the stairs where Todd knelt just a moment earlier.

“That seems personal!” Dirk shouts out the doorway.

Farah pulls her gun, eyes darting around the small lobby. 

Todd frowns at her. “Really?”

“Better to be prepared.”

“To shoot lightning?”

Dirk growls in frustration. “Purple lightning? Plastic leaves? A Rhino that becomes petals? It’s all just… mismatched and unconnected and just it seems like someone…” Dirk’s face changes and he gasps. “Like someone making mistakes.” He suddenly grins. “And what is the one thing that actually has been connecting them?”

Farah shakes her head. “The cats?”

Todd shrugs. “My rain?”

Dirk grins. “Yes, and…” Dirk claps his hands once. “Huzzah!” He heads for the stairs, throwing a glance back at the pair of them. “See what I did? Think it’s working? Huzzah!” Then he starts to run up the stairs.

Todd follows first, Farah bringing up the rear with her gun still at the ready. They methodically climb the narrow stairs. Todd glances at the hall of the first floor as they run by and sees two women tangled together on the floor.

“I didn’t know you liked –”

“All this time you –”

“I couldn’t tell you –”

Todd stares as they kiss and speak between kisses and a fire starts just behind them in the carpet but Farah bumps into him and Todd keeps chasing after Dirk.

As they pass the second floor, a cat bounds into step behind Farah, joining them in the chase. The cat has the ears of a rabbit.

On the third floor, Dirk slips and falls into what appears to be a pond in the middle of the floor as deep as his waist. Todd grips Dirk's wrists and helps pulls him out of the water, a frog hopping after them for before settling onto a lily pad. Farah jumps clear over the pond as Dirk continues leading them up the stairs.

The fourth floor oddly displays no strange people or animals or fires or water at all; though the carpet is red instead of the beige of the other floors. Todd decides this change is acceptable.

Finally, they reach the top of the stairs and the last floor of the building. The hallway before them glows with pink light. It appears to be coming from somewhere near the ceiling. It takes Todd a second but he soon realizes that thousands of lightning bugs hover above their heads. As they walk down the hall, Dirk still in the lead, they start to swish and buzz around the three of them. Todd smiles, watching the little pink lights dart around Dirk’s hair. Then suddenly one of the insects jerks and zings into the side of Dirk’s face.

“Ow!” Dirk swats at the bug.

They are not fireflies at all; they are glowing bees. The bees begin to dive bomb all three of them. 

“What the…” Todd feels a prick on his neck, then his wrist, he ducks and another small stab hits him in the back of the neck.

“Damn it!” Farah shouts, waving her gun at the bees, trying to disperse them.

“Hurry!” Dirk shouts. He grips Todd’s hand. “Grab Farah and close your eyes!” Dirk exclaims.

Todd reaches back, grips Farah’s upper arm, shuts his eyes and suddenly Dirk pulls them all forward. Todd feels another prick or two but soon they stop. Todd keeps his eyes shut, realizes how crazy it is that he is trusting Dirk to be his eyes. Then they stop abruptly. Todd snaps his eyes open and Dirk knocks on the apartment door in front of them, number 542.

The door opens and Ms. Potter looks back at them. “Well now, look who is here? Did you miss Lime and want to see him again? He has that effect on people, I know.”

The rabbit eared cat slinks between Todd’s legs and into the apartment.

“Why, Coffee!” Ms. Potter exclaims. “There you are.” She laughs and steps out of the doorway gesturing for them. “Come in, come in. You can try some of this new tea!”

“Tea!” Dirk says loudly as they walk into the apartment. “That’s it!”

The apartment is jam packed with too many things for the amount of space. Spider plants hang in the windows. Bookshelves fill the spaces between the windows with books and photo albums and clay pots crowding the shelves; the woman must also literally be a potter with the among of bowls and jugs and mugs Todd sees. Todd spies Lime curled up under a desk beneath the largest window, now a shade of brown matching the wood floor. The painting cat, Coconut, sits on the back of the couch sporting a portrait with the nose on top of the cat’s head. The new rabbit-cat twists around Ms. Potter’s ankles, her tail now matching a rabbit’s.

“You said something about tea?” Dirk says as he walks in, Todd and Farah close behind him.

Farah, thankfully, has put away her gun now.

“Why yes!” Ms. Potter says. “My granddaughter, Ying, left a book for me to try some new tea brews. I have been at it all weekend. You should try some.”

Todd looks up and sees the purple lightning crackling on the ceiling. It twists like a cloud making the spider plants sway and the books tremble each time it shifts and pops. The whole space feels electrically charged.

Dirk ducks into the kitchen with Ms. Potter then jumps back out suddenly, a large black book in his hand. Todd reads the title embossed in silver on the cover, The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul.

Todd frowns. “What?”

“My tea book,” Ms. Potter says as she comes out of the kitchen holding three short mugs in her hand. “This one,” she says as she pushes mugs into all their hands, “is called Witch’s Lightning!”

“Witch’s…” Todd starts and Farah finishes, “Lightning?”

“It’s a spell book!” Dirk says as he flips through the book. “It’s not a tea book; it’s a witch’s spell book!” He turns the book around in his free hand, the other now holding a mug of tea. “Look, recipes for different spells; a transformation spell, ‘a spell of understanding,’ ‘magic to grow with,’ ‘Fire of Love,’ ‘Call for the Ancestors,’ a weather spell. These are all spells that are meant to do one thing but, as Ms. Potter here has been trying to make tea with the recipes, they are going wrong.” 

Dirk closes the book and looks at Ms. Potter. “Your granddaughter told you she had a book about tea for you but you read the title of this one and thought it was the right book but it wasn’t. You did not realize, so you tried to make tea using whatever herbs were listed on these magic spells but, since you didn't do any of the other rituals, just boiled all the herbs in water, the spells are coming out wrong; cats transforming into different colors, plants growing where they shouldn’t, side effects like rhinos and Jelly and Todd kissing everyone.”

“You both kissed me!” Todd insists.

Farah and Dirk shoot Todd incredulous looks.

Then Dirk presses on. “Most of these have turned out harmless, petals and painted cats, but then there are attack bugs and lightning and... and a cemetery.” Dirk breathes in deeply and shakes his head. “You’ve been making magic all wrong by trying to make tea right!” Dirk grins and bounces on his heels. “Solved it. Huzzah!”

“And that’s why you’ve been wanting tea all day,” Todd says, with dawning understanding. “Everything is connected. You, the tea, and here we are.”

“Tea?” Farah huffs. “That’s it? It’s been tea doing all this…” She cuts herself off, shakes her head and bites her lip.

“So,” Todd says. “Magic again?”

Dirk nods. “Perhaps they all are going to be time traveling and parallel universes –“

“And magic.”

Farah shakes her head. "What would have been wrong with a lost cat? Is that too much to ask?"

“Well now,” Ms. Potter suddenly says with a frown. “I am sure I don’t know what all you are talking about. I haven’t been doing any sort of magic witch things. My granddaughter just wanted to help me try some new tea. I am very fond of it after all.”

Dirk beams at her, “aren’t we all?” Then some lightning from the ceiling cracks and hits the couch so the smell of singed cloth starts to fill the room. “But perhaps,” Dirk continues. “It is time to return to some Yorkshire Gold instead of making your own?”

“Well…”

“Please, just stop!” Farah insists just as Todd says, “your ceiling is a storm!”

Ms. Potter huffs. “Well fine, I have made a bit too much anyway.” She points at the mugs in their hands. “But you must try those.”

Dirk moves to take a sip but Todd grabs the mug out of his hand. “No.”

Dirk pouts but does not try to take the mug back. Todd hands the mugs to Farah who finds some shelf space to corral the offending drinks. Then Todd reaches out and takes the spell book from Dirk.

"There has to be a way to reverse all this, right?" Todd starts flipping through the book. "Something in here like a unmagic spell?"

"Does magic work that way?" Farah asks.

Then the lightning starts to swirl faster. One of the cat hisses – Lime running out from under the desk, silver flashing over its fur. Ms. Potter picks up Coconut, scratching between its ears as the painting changes into something violent, swords around its paws. Todd hears a creaking noise, books fall off the shelves and the sound of a kettle starts to whistle from the kitchen.

"Oh!" Ms. Potter says. "I forgot about that one. It had such an exciting name, something like 'quake the earth.'"

"Oh no..." Dirk mutters.

"Find something!" Farah cries as one of the spider plants falls off its hook and smashes on the floor.

Todd turns pages quickly, picking out words from titles – 'new lover,' 'sunshine,' 'harvest time.' Farah ducks a bolt of lightning at Todd's right. Dirk suddenly pushes Todd forward when one of the cats, a new one with an elongated neck, leaps at them, claws barred.

"Please, Todd," Dirk exclaims.

"I'm looking!" Then Todd sees a page titled 'A Spell of Undoing.' "Here!"

He twists around between Farah and Dirk, placing the book on top of a low bookshelf in line with the back of the couch. Todd shoves papers and cat toys to the floor to make room. He reads through the spell quickly, the subtitle: for the witch whose wand slips.

"What is this, new age witch humor?" Todd mutters.

"Todd," Dirk snaps, "save your literary criticism for a less perilous situation, hmm?"

Todd nods, his finger sliding down the page. "Uh, Rosemary. I need Rosemary and a bowl and fire."

Farah and Dirk disappear on either side of him – the sound of glass crashing, Ms. Potter exclaiming in surprise from the kitchen. Then Farah appears with a pack of cardboard matches reading 'Joe's Pizza' on the cover and a shallow pink bowl. Dirk yelps and falls into Todd's view again with a handful of fresh Rosemary, one stalk half plucked already.

"Uh, okay."

Todd takes the matches, lights one then drops it into the bowl. He reads the words on the page, something about the earth and balance. He lights another match, drops it in. He reads some more about mistakes and the goddess. Todd wonders in the back of his mind if he is being culturally offensive right now. A bolt of lightning hits the table where they work so Dirk screams and a chunk of wood hits Farah in the chest. Todd grabs the rosemary, drops exactly nine of the needle-like leaves into the bowl.

"It says it needs a piece of yourself, 'a witch's power?'" 

Todd twists back to look at Ms. Potter. Would she work, as she was the one causing all this mayhem? But all the spells came out wrong. Then Todd looks sharply at Dirk beside him.

Dirk stares back then his mouth drops open. "I am not a witch!"

"Yeah, but you're close, right?"

Dirk huffs. "I am not psychic!"

A rumble starts from somewhere low around them and the floor begins to bow upward around the coffee table. Todd grabs some of Dirk's hair, yanking it out so Dirk shouts 'Ow!' Todd throws the hair into the bowl, lights another match and drops it in.

"Enact!" Todd cries with an added, "please."

The rosemary ignites in one bust of flame bright enough to make Todd take a step back. He something flashes green and gold of what might be Dirk's hair. The flames shoot high so Todd shuts his eyes. Todd hears a crack and sort of whooshing noise. Then suddenly everything seems to stop.

Todd opens his eyes again to see a white Persian cat staring at him from where it sits on the back of the couch.

"Coconut?" Todd says.

The cat blinks back at him. Todd realizes the cat's fur is white, no painting. He turns around , looking for the other cats. He finds the bunny eared one in a window with regular cat ears beside what must be Lime now with blond fur. Todd looks up and sees a normal apartment ceiling. Todd whips around. Farah and Dirk huddle on the floor, Farah half on top of Dirk shielding him.

"Guys," Todd says, crouching low to pull them both up by their arms. "It worked! It's over."

Farah and Dirk glance cautiously around the room as they stand.

"No lightning," Farah says.

"Regular cats," Dirk adds.

Todd grins. "And no earthquake."

Dirk cheers, hugging Todd hard as Farah grins. Todd pulls Farah in too and the three hang onto each other, laughing and bouncing a few times in excitement.

"Are you sure you won't try some of this last tea?" Ms. Potter says as she pops her head out of the kitchen, smiling like a regular Sunday afternoon. "It tastes a bit like fire!"

 

Dirk, Todd, and Farah take a circuitous route back to the office. They see nothing strange on any floor of the building as they walk down the steps. Outside of Ms. Potter's apartment building, the plastic palm trees have disappeared. They pass by where the cemetery used to be and find only a small park with a man made bird pond. When they pass the Deli, they see the same staff member behind the counter through regular glass. The Starbucks sports boring metal tables with the usual empty sugar packet trash and a girl named Julia putting whip cream on a frappuccino speaking perfect English.

Farah points out the pet store when they are nearly home again, "I told you the sign hadn't been in Russian!"

Everything, every cat and store and person, appear back to the way they were.

"That must have been a 'spell book for dummies' that I could do that," Todd comments as they near the building of their detective office. "Almost seemed too easy."

"Or maybe you're more magical than you seem," Todd replies with one of his fond smiles.

Todd laughs. "It was your hair."

Dirk sighs in annoyance making Farah laugh once, a sound they do not hear enough. Todd glances at her and she only shakes her head. "We had a case that started with a lost cat and ended with near death by witch spells."

"We didn't nearly die," Dirk chides.

"There was about to be an earthquake!"

"But there wasn't."

"What about the lightning?"

Dirk shrugs. "It never hit any of us."

"Because we ducked and dodged it." Farah waves her hand. "I pulled you down!"

Dirk purses his lips. "We didn't nearly die. We were... singed slightly."

Todd laughs out loud as Farah gapes at Dirk. Soon, however, she breaks into a smile too and sighs. 

"We should order dinner," Todd says as he searches in his pocket for his keys.

Farah pulls out her keys first. "Mayhem makes you hungry?"

"Guys," Dirk begins. "I know this is probably the wrong thing to say..." Todd and Farah both stop walking at the door to their building, the keys held up in Farah's hand, and stare at Dirk. Dirk cocks his head to the side. "But I would love some tea right now."

All three of them burst out laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> I intended no offense to anyone of the Wicca religion. The spells and witch stuff is purely made up.


End file.
